I Am, by Theresa Bonaparte

“I AM”

I AM FULL OF DREAMS AND VERY MUCH AFRAID .
I WONDER WHERE I STAND IN THIS LIFE,
I HEAR THE CHEERS OF UNFAMILAIR CHANTINGS THAT SING SOFTLY, “WE KNOW THAT YOU CAN DO IT.”
I SEE THE PERFORMANCE OF ME IN MY TWISTED THOUGHTS,
AND THAT SO CALLED IMAGINATION OF MINE.
I WANT TO GRASP THINGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE OR TOO FAR TO REACH.
I AM FULL OF DREAMS AND VERY MUCH AFRAID

I PRETEND TO HAVE IT ALL: LIFE, HAPPINESS, AND SERENITY,
WHICH I KNOW IS NOT TRUE, BECAUSE I’M STILL SEARCHING FOR THAT POT OF GOLD AND ALL OF THE ABOVE
I FEEL THE EARTH RUMBLE AS I GLIDE ACROSS ITS SURFACE
I TOUCH THE RAYS OF SUNLIGHT, I WEAR THE SCENT OF NATURE,
AND I SMILE THE SMILE OF MONA LISA LIKE IT BELONGED TO ME
I WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW AND OTHER DAYS WAY BEFORE THEY COME,
I CRY ALOT ON THE INSIDE SO THAT NO ONE WILL SEE MY SMILE TURN UPSIDE DOWN

I AM FULL OF DREAMS AND VERY MUCH AFRAID
I UNDERSTAND THAT THINGS DON’T ALWAYS TURN OUT THE WAY WE EXPECT
I SAY TO MYSELF JUST DON’T GIVE UP, KEEP TRYING AND TRYING AND TRYING UNTIL THAT PIECE CONNECTS
I DREAM OF BEING ACCEPTED INTO THE LAND WHERE THERE IS NO EXPLANATION OF WHATEVER COMES FROM ME, BUT PEOPLE LOVE ME JUST AS I AM
SO I TRY TO BE A PART OF EVEN WHEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING OR HOW I’M SUPPOSED TO ACT
SO I HOPE THAT SOMEONE WILL REACH OUT HIS HAND AND SHOW ME HOW TO DANCE TO THIS MUSIC OR HOW TO PERFORM IN THIS PLAY THAT WAS WRITTEN FOR ME TO BE ALL THAT I CAN BE AND MORE,
AND HELP ME ENCOURAGE OTHERS TO FOLLOW TO WHERE WE CAN BE FREE AND WHOEVER OR WHATEVER WE WANT TO BE
I AM FULL OF DREAMS AND VERY MUCH AFRAID

BUT STILL I AM ME, AND YES I AM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHICH IS STILL FULL OF DREAMS AND VERY MUCH AFRAID……………………………….

You Can't Take it With You, by Sean McDowell

Where was I when God’s hands opened

and all light was brought

When there was nothing but silence,

had I even been a thought?
Where was I when Dad said “kill it.”

Was my heart even able to beat?

The only taste I knew was my thumb,

visions and my eyes had yet to meet.
Where was I when cancer took my grandpa,

when smoking took my friends,

or love took me

Probably thinking depressing thoughts

or just watching TV.
Where was I when the house burned down

and with it went my life as a child.

I hated that house anyway.

I hope the fires were tall and wild.
Where will I be in the future,

when this poem is never read?

Everything I ever had will be gone

and I’ll surely be dead.

I don’t know much in this world

except that God is the earth and the day

I realized a long time ago

that nothing’s really mine anyway.

Where I Am Now, by Benae Ritter

Hating what I've become but loving it all the same,

If I still had a heart, my soul would be ashamed

To learn that my conscience is no longer pure

Unsure of what to do, but no longer wanting to endure

And so I willingly defile a reputation self-imposed

Cut by the thorns of the unscented rose

That blows in the wind of a boxed in room

With doors closed tight so now my mind's my tomb

And I apoligize to myself before anyone else

But it calls me back with unheard stealth

And I answer every call faithfully to the end

Sad to find out the tremendous price of a sin

Paid in full in the future so I can enjoy right now

Closed eyes; escaping flows; and a trembling brow

Scared and Elated wanting only for the moment

Refusing to chase the love that long ago was stolen

And so a soul comes along to replace what I miss

To grant what I hope but always forget to wish

And the new soul brings the fresh hope of tomorrow

Relying on its own life so mines it never has to borrow

The force from; to power what it will

The overflow of love, an overspill that could kill

A nectar so sweet but still forbidden by God

Eaten by my thoughts and so into Paradise I'm never allowed

Where I Am Now, by Debbie Gideon

I am an openhearted, enthusiastic woman.

I wonder where I will go once leaving this life on earth.

I hear my kindred spirits, “we’re one with the universe.”

I see colors of people representing a rainbow.

I want to love and be loved unconditionally.

I am an openhearted, enthusiastic woman.

I pretend to have boundless energy to aide the needs of people in this world.

I feel great about life and my ability to live.

I touch in you what can not be seen … your heart.

I worry that I should not worry because everything will be alright … Let go and let God.

I cry out loud periodically, but no one really hears…

I am an openhearted, enthusiastic woman.

I understand that selfless love does exist when one loves unconditionally.

I say treat others as you desire to be treated…love as you desire to be loved.

I dream that dreams do come true… we live to dream and dream to live.

I try not to say, “I’ll try.”

I hope for universal love, peace, patience, and tranquility.

I am an openhearted, enthusiastic woman.

Where I Am Now, by Tamara Miles

I am a colorful contradiction.

I wonder what suffering mixed with redemption makes.

I hear Prince singing “Purple Rain, Purple Rain.”

I see my reflection in the mirror, and

I want a robe and crown.

I am a colorful contradiction.

I pretend to say “Let them eat cake.”

I feel ashamed.

I touch my guilty heart for reassurance.

I worry that I haven’t given enough love in this world, that I have been an emotional cannibal.

I cry over the schoolchildren buried in rubble from an earthquake.

I am a colorful contradiction.

I understand that the walls are falling down.

I say, “I will share my bread with you” and then hide the basket.

I dream that Jesus takes the loaves and feeds the world.

I try to ignore the cries of hunger.

I hope that for every day my belly has been full I have done a good thing.

I am a colorful contradiction.

Lost and Found, by Jennifer Keltcher-Delisle

I used to live in a bubble
of confusion and disorder
of illusions and dreams
of a grown child

I used to live in a dark place
where the waves raged
and the water
black and bitter
fed me

I used to live in the depths
of my own self grandeur
my own fragile vanity
egotism
arrogant
and I was a victim

But even the most
embedded virus
can be birthed
out of its disease
and into the display
of a newborn

Here I am
Here I find myself
lost as never before
cold and tired
and the world rejoiced
for She has arrived!

Where once I survived
the only way I knew how
I am defenseless in this place
I do not know
I do not know

Its a brave new world
or so they say
the path traveled by one and all
for all must age
for all must mature
for all must die

I cannot go backwards
I have learned to stand on
wobbly legs
immature mind
learning responsibilities
and yet

That not so distant past
calling to me
I hear it in my dreams
the enclosing
the warmth of sickness

I will grow stronger
a new soul
a new mind
hope is the seed of life
and the Bible says
that if one has faith
as a mustardseed
then one can move mountains
or so it says

Can I move a mountain
Can I swim a sea
Can I dream a good dream
Can I open my eyes and really see

Is this what life is?

It calls to me
I hear it now
yesterday
last night
a moment ago

I cannot go home.

-JKD @ Feb 2008

Observance, by Gloria Holden

Prelude - Oh lord let me see past what's standing in front of me.

As I start my day, these questions have come to me.

Am I being who God called me to be?

Am I living holy so others can see?

Am I being as righteous as I should be?

And what about my honesty?

Oh, God have mercy on me.

Am I speaking the words as though playing a part?

Am I seeking the lord with all of my heart?

Am I looking around to analyze you?

Am I taking inventory of the things that I do?

For in you Christ Jesus I must be true.

Finale- Sometimes what is standing in front of me is ME!

Insight (Get yourself out of your way)

Where I Am Now, by Anita Valdez

I am somebody special and pure at heart

I wonder why we pick our friends and encircle them

I hear the wind caressing the ocean

I see myself mounting on wings and soaring like eagles

I want to share myself through humble service

I am somebody special and pure at heart

I pretend being a historic person born into history

I feel decisions determine my destiny

I touch faith

I worry about ignorance and pride

I cry about the evil powers of darkness

I am somebody special and pure at heart

I understand the pain of having no hope

I say your heart can’t bear sadness and sorrow

I dream of marveling at faith of trembling steps into new grounds

I try to speak the truth

I hope for a change in society and a better world

I am somebody special and pure at heart

Crossroads, by Janet Kozachek

Crossroads

I am at the crossroads of two lives

and stand poised on the threshold of reinventing the soul

I wonder how my new wings will feel

when I fly away from the duplicity of the past

I hear the train whistle in the distance

a plaintive cry that yet exudes warmth

I see the horizon where tracks vanish to a point

measured against the length of a human life

just grazing the edge of consciousness

I want to know the life that was withheld

and not to mourn the lack

but forge instead a path to new uncertainties

I am at the crossroads of two lives

I pretend to be in control of destiny

in self-actualized American transcendence

I feel that there is no peace there

in self help and pulled up bootstraps

- only a community of the lonely

sequestered away behind transparent borders

I touch the glass wall that separates us

and worry that we will never hear each other

as I cry out impenetrable sighs

across immutable boundaries

to seek a place where inside and outside embrace each other

I am at the crossroads of two lives

I understand that the future is confounded mystery

eluding intentions and expectations

mocking both dreams and apprehensions

I say let it come crashing down

opening its gates or slithering under the door

for I am ready

ready to dream of taking a great unknowing leap

to try to land on an unknowable spot

Unafraid of death but fearing pain

I hope that landing will not bruise my soul

I am at the crossroads of two lives

Where I Am Now, by C. Moon

I am not pretending to be what the world wants to see…skinny enough, funny enough, pretty enough, smart enough

I am not hoping to be what “they” want me to be …mom of the year, Bunko champion, whose –who of the supper clubs

I do not want to warm a pew just to say I was there every Sunday or recite verses so to impress…

It has become more.

I want the world to see me content with whom God created me to be… skinny or fat, good and bad hair days, when my jokes fail and when my lectures are a bomb

I hope to please God and in the process, if it’s what they wanted me to be…okay. Mom of the year gives spankings misses Bunko to be with her family, and if she goes to supper club, it is to be genuine and not to be political and see how many people she can impress.

I want to go into God’s house to truly worship…and say thank you for these thirty something years...

The Tao of Insomnia, by Hammond Wylie

Thoughts pour into my brain ---
an old girlfiend,
a recipe for shrimp,
the dent in the hood of my car,
a dead squirrel,
mistletoe.
I refuse Xanax
and wait till five a.m. to make coffee,
hoping for sleep.
I watch Bobby Flay and Matt Lauer cook duck legs.
I listen to an infomercial for 80's rock.
I smoke cigarettes and feed the cats.
The dog's confused.
It's far too early for his morning dump.
He snores on the couch,
mocking me.
Lying on his back with his feet in the air,
he chases rabbits in his dreams.
And my dream curdles in a puddle of sleepless night.