Crossroads, by Janet Kozachek

Crossroads

I am at the crossroads of two lives

and stand poised on the threshold of reinventing the soul

I wonder how my new wings will feel

when I fly away from the duplicity of the past

I hear the train whistle in the distance

a plaintive cry that yet exudes warmth

I see the horizon where tracks vanish to a point

measured against the length of a human life

just grazing the edge of consciousness

I want to know the life that was withheld

and not to mourn the lack

but forge instead a path to new uncertainties

I am at the crossroads of two lives

I pretend to be in control of destiny

in self-actualized American transcendence

I feel that there is no peace there

in self help and pulled up bootstraps

- only a community of the lonely

sequestered away behind transparent borders

I touch the glass wall that separates us

and worry that we will never hear each other

as I cry out impenetrable sighs

across immutable boundaries

to seek a place where inside and outside embrace each other

I am at the crossroads of two lives

I understand that the future is confounded mystery

eluding intentions and expectations

mocking both dreams and apprehensions

I say let it come crashing down

opening its gates or slithering under the door

for I am ready

ready to dream of taking a great unknowing leap

to try to land on an unknowable spot

Unafraid of death but fearing pain

I hope that landing will not bruise my soul

I am at the crossroads of two lives